Nobody to talk to nobody to vent to.

They all got tired of listening, I should have got tired of the same shit.

I guess after five years I will have learned my lesson.

I don’t want to leave him at a time where he probably needs me but it shouldn’t have happened.

Things started getting funny, he said he recently had it blood drawn but there was a hut knot in his arm. No nurse or tech does that, it was horrible.

So after work I tested him, I brought a good drug test too, cost me 40 dollars. First thing that popped up was opiates.

So I punched him then hit him with the nearest object, the lamp.

Then I told his mom he ran off to her she brought him back so we could have some INTERVENTION shit.

After an hr I mentioned where all my suspicion came from, the knot and needle marks from going to his doctor. She was like what doctor he never went to one.

His moms a nurse so she asked to see his arms and she said “your shooting up those aren’t from blood drawing” and finally after she kept accusing him he said “Fine I’m shooting up then!”

and I was like whoa wait a minute are you just saying that cause we are accusing you or are you really cause opiates means pain pills or heroin the test just says opiates it doesnt specify.

and he just dropped his head and nodded.

He said the needles were clean and new but I couldn’t take listening.

I got up and started calling home and his mom instantly decided he had to leave to go get his blood tested for any virus’s or diseases.

and the door shut and my dad finally was on the phone and all I could do was barely choke out please come get me in between all the tears that finally hit me.

Packed all my clothes and electronics and my bunny. Now i’m back home I’ve been moved out for almost two years, I have no room at the moment. Sucks.

I feel like shit and I’m trying to hold on, I cried already while I packed and I want that to be it.

He tried calling at midnight and I felt bad telling him I couldnt be with him but after I thought about it and imagined him sitting at home while I was at work and school shooting up and popping pills and who knows what else probably cheating too I was just mad. Just sick of everything and I’m just going to keep thinking that.

The lies. The heroin. The fucking bullshit. All the money. All the missing stuff. All the bullshit I have ever been through. I’m just going to be mad and sad but I’m not going to let myself feel bad for bailing, he did this to himself and he knows I have no tolerance for pills and he knows I HATE heroin addicts more than anything.

I deal with them every time I work, they promise me all the time they will never use and they always come back again, fucked up on heroin and I tell them they should have tried harder.

He’s fallen in a hole and forever lost. I wont go back, my dad told me if I go back he’ll never talk to me again.

I just got to tell myself he was never who I thought he was and most likely he was shooting up and poppin pills with another girl, its always another girl every time he gets into drugs.

I live in cincinnati once again, idk if i’m going to continue at nku.

Randall Roberts your an asshole, a fucking asshole. You’re going to regret this I could hear it in your choke over the phone when I said I couldn’t be with you anymore but wish you the best recovery. You knew this would happen when I found out.

.

So when I looked at fifty shades of grey on goodreads someone said it was twilight but with mature theme.

And when I was reading I was like okay male character is like perfect and dominating. Based in Seattle, hmmm bale main character girl, he has some odd secret. He gets weird when she bites her lip.

Now I found out it was originally a fan fic based off twilight but obviously modified to become a book not related to Twilight.

From coming from a fan fic based off another book, I think its good. I just started the second book, the first one almost lost me because of his secret but I kept going, waiting for him to finally give in to loving Ana.

Blegh! Silly romance novels.

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Katy Perry - Not like the movies

This is me getting real sappy on everyone.

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Harley poe

Okay I have to put this somewhere, anywhere before I forget it and maybe some random stranger will find it funny.

the other day thursday may 10??

Started off never sleeping around 8am and a coffee I left to the bank to stabilize that mess of a balance. This all involved walking. Walked downtown to the library, thought I saw mister cant tell anyone, riding a bike looking awesome like always. Was tempted to follow his direction, but what if that was him, and how creepy can i get??

So library back home boyfriend is being a dick… and he is being a brat because he has no money. and if he somehow found a ride to eastgate he could get money.

So I say peace and take a bus to my parents house. My mom gets called of work, awesome. More hangout fam fam time. Help little brother study, be mischievous and play pranks to make up for my absence at home.

THEN HERES WHERE IS GETS JUICY. lol

I decide to trick my boyfriend who wanted to know if I was coming home, and the busses stopped at 9 so I said no why? and he said he wanted me home and just wanted to know. Sounded weird to me so I snuck on home.

Really my dad brought me home, warning that I better not catch him doing something bad and call home crying asking him to come back and get me.

Well… I text him and call him(boyfriend) while I’m about to get out of dads car saying what you doing. He replies saying watching basketball but doesn’t answer the call.

Then I realize I can hear voices of people, not my boyfriend in my apt. So I see what rooms their in. And head around back trying to unlock my back door to sneak in and catch them in whatever they are doing FYI I dont let anyone in my apt, my laptops have gone missing, my phones and my controllers for my ps3.

Well my fucking key is sticking and I got the dead bolt un locked but not the bottom lock and I’m just heated. Like fucking fuming. I knew the dude was talking about drugs and all I kept imagining was lines of coke on the table or sharing syringes or hell anything nasty and beyond fucked up.

So finally I run around front stopping at my kitchen windows, some trashy ass newport trash is standing at my breakfast bar. His stroller for his baby is outside, had to dodge it in my fury.

Finally un lock the door fast and come in. My boyfriend is standing there shocked at a loss for words, he had came back into the living room for something.

There’s intense lit on my table and I put it out and just tell him to get the fuck out.

He says why? trying to play dumb that theres people sneaking out my back door onto the porch.

So I repeat myself. Tell him I heard them, I heard everything(I was pretending I heard soemthing really bad) and his eyes got so big.

He said “Tell me what you heard”

tell me what you heard

tell me what you fucking heard

and all I would say was get out.

There was some fucked up trashy old dude in my apt with his young ass daughter had to be less than middle school and a toddler. WTF buying weed APPARENTLY.

yeah right, that dude looked like a straight up coke head or pill head.

Finally he tells me he’ll kill himself if I dont care about him and kick him out. My reply is thats stupid, you wont do it. Leave, and he goes outside and throws the trash can around then comes back in grabs a knife and says

This is the last time youll see me, since you dont care anymore.

and leaves slamming the door.

I lock the doors and call the police.

I check my apartment for anything my boyfriend was trying to hide from me.

Dispatch(disbatch?) wants me to stay on phone. I hear him trying to come inside.

wtf

and he’s like there’s cops outside and I’m like uh yeah for you! You left with a knife!? He says no no no tell them I’m calm and I’m trying to say too late but the lady on the phone is like is he inside!?? get out of the house hurry!

So I leave, she tells me to find the police.

FUNNY TIME

Its a trio of some police dudes who look like they walked out of some hot police calender or something they were walking like they were on a runway lol.

And when they stopped to talk to me I was like holy shit these dudes are hot.

But at the same time I was having a melt down in my head because for once my boyfriend drama seemed real.

They go inside with guns and tasers out since he apparently has a knife.

I see them find him outside and they have red lasers pointed at him. I take off towards them saying wait wait!

I didn’t want him arrested I just wanted him to calm down and be safe.

And mister police guy was like wait miss wait!!! step back please!! We aren’t arrestinh him its for safety.

God how gay am I. I thought he was lying but what could I do.

They instantly thought he was a heroin addict. Who the fuck knows. I dont. They asked and I was honest, I told them I check his pupils everyday, I check his arms everyday I feel stupid.

Once the EMTS took my boyfriend in an ambulance and all the cops left…except for one.

He stood with me out front and asked questions I’ve answered a million times I told him what I came home to why we started fighting. BLAH.

I told him I was suspicious of him doing drugs again. The cop flipped back a few pages on his note pad. And stated:

Your boyfriend did mentioned taking pain pills he told me that he has been taking oxys and percs

and I said Great fucking knew it, its awesome how he will tell you the truth but not me.

And this cop one of the cute ones is like:

actauuly idk how he worded it.

he asked if I wanted to bitch or vent, as in he would stand there and listen. He was willing to talk to me.

I was like uh what? Don’t you have better things to do other than listen to me whine. I mean the problem is gone you have my information and yup aren’t we finished?

So I said no thanked him and watched as he sat out in his cruiser outside my apt for a while. Once he was gone I booked it to the hospital to sit in ER for forever.

When I finally got to see my boyfriend he denied telling that officer he took those specific pain pills. He said he took one last night to help him sleep only because they thought he was a heroin addict and he thought pain pills were less trouble.

STUPID!?

So now I’m mad. I want to believe him but why would some police officer lie and why would he even have it written down on his note pad.

I’m probably wrong but I totally felt like that officer was flirting but who knows. I think he also mentioned something about a daughter. But all them were trying to cheer me up, asking me random things to get my mind off the crazy guy(s) in my apt.

Odd. I never called my dad back, I wont mention it. He would come here and take all my stuff and bring me home. I’m depressed again now. Its been a long time, it seems like the only time I get depressed lately is when the whole wall of trust tumbles down, and theres no one to trust anymore. No one to talk to anymore. No one cares anyways.

Whatever I guess back to work soon, my co workers make me happy so does pampering my patients, making sick people happy and comfortable makes me feel good. Away from home, feels better.

Forgive my typos. It was just flowing.

We recently bought a chalkboard from IKEA its hanging in my kitchen.

I usually draw obscene photos our silly things on it.

I neglected it for a few days and I noticed that he wrote something sweet on it.

We’ve been on different schedules lately its so odd, we live together, spend barely anytime together.

We actually fell asleep on the couch, I never came and brought him to bed.

Anyways I wonder when he wrote that stuff on the board, when I saw it, made me really happy. Made me think of forever ago when all the little things made me so happy. Haha.

Like handwritten letters, they use to mean so much. I’m sure they still would. But living together for two years we don’t do silly things like that anymore because usually were connected at the hip.

This is a silly, random post. :3

yes yes yes.

(Source: seawallchina)